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| I CAN IMPROVE MY COMMUNICATION BY: |
| 1. |
By becoming responsible for my own feelings. |
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| 2. |
By becoming open and abandoning defensiveness. |
| 3. |
By being assertive rather than aggressive. |
| 4. |
By getting out of the habit of worrying about other peoples'
reactions to me - I am not guilty of causing their feelings.
They are responsible for their own feelings. |
| 5. |
By losing my fear of criticism; and by learning to use criticism
positively - even criticism which is given in bad faith, or with
hostile intent. |
| I WILL ADOPT THIS BILL OF RIGHTS |
| 1. |
I am the only judge of my own behavior and choices; my thoughts
and emotions are my own. I get the consequences of my own choices
and I am the only one who does. I am responsible for my own feelings,
and actions and what I learn from them. |
| 2. |
There is not a rule for every situation. |
| 3. |
I won't make excuses. I don't even have to give a reason. I don't
have to be perfect. My Mom won't really love me less if the ceiling
isn't clean. If my Mom is visiting and I find her cleaning the dish
washer, I'll tell her, "Clean the refrigerator, too, Mom. Thanks. |
| 4. |
I do not have to find solutions to other peoples' problems. I can
decide if I want to help or not. |
| 5. |
I can say "I do not know." |
| 6. |
I don't have to be liked for everything I do. Its OK if someone
is irritated with me and doesn't like what I do. I'm SORRYYYYYY!
Tough noogies! I'll never be loved if I can't be disliked. |
| 7. |
I can change my mind. I don't have to say why I did it, and I don't
have to be liked for doing it. |
| 8. |
I can be illogical. In fact, logical people are usually pains in
the neck. Most people do what they feel like doing. "Logical" people
are only good at rationalizing their feelings; their talk is logical,
but their behavior is no more reasonable than mine. |
| 9. |
I don't have to understand, and I can say "I don't understand." |
| 10. |
I can say "I don't care." |
| 11. |
I can say "I was wrong." In fact, this may be the single most lovely
phrase in the English language. |
| 12. |
I don't have to stop 'bad things' from happening. In fact, sometimes
'bad things' make me learn and grow. |
| 13. |
I don't have to keep other people from making mistakes; and I
don't have to fear making my own mistakes. Sometimes I don't bother
to figure out how to make things go right until they have gone wrong.
I can learn from my mistakes. If I make a mess, I'll stand back and
admire it. |
| ASSERTING MYSELF AS ME |
| 1. |
Today, and every day I will tell most
of the people to whom I speak something about me that they really
don't need to know. "I started a class in belly dancing today." "I
have a hell of a headache." "I'm in love with the world." |
| 2. |
I will tell people how I feel, how I react to
things and especially to them, their appearance, clothes, acts, expressions,
conversations. I will also respond to the unsolicited comments they
give me about myself. I will respond even if their comments are negative. "In
what way doesn't this dress suit me?" |
| 3. |
Today, and every day I will compliment several
people, I will compliment them in different ways each day. I will
respond to compliments about me with positive agreement and will
even extend the compliment to myself. If I feel the compliment giver
is insincere I will still respond as if the compliment is truly and
sincerely intended."Yes, I really feel pretty in this dress; what
is it about this dress that makes it looks to pretty on me?" "Why
do you think I look good in blue?" |
| 4. |
Today, and every day I will comment on any subject
that is brought up, even if I know nothing about it. I may have to
look at television to reassure myself that other people aren't really
fluent, concise and intelligent. I won't care. I will talk and talk.
I can't possibly sound worse than a politician on TV. |
| 5. |
Today, and every day I will tell people what I
want. I will announce my goals to the world. "I want to be a millionaire." "I
want more than anything just to be able to sleep for a month." "I
want my son to be a doctor." |
| 6. |
When someone denies me an immediate reasonable
wish of mine I will repeat and repeat my goal. "I want a refund on
this dress." "You must pay for the repair to my car." I will become
a broken record when I want something. |
| 7. |
I will agree with every criticism of me, if only
as an agreement that I understand that the person thinks the way
they have told me, e.g., "I know you think I am a big stinker; and
I want a refund on my dress." "Yes, I may be unreasonable; and I
want a refund on my dress." |
| 8. |
I will agree with every criticism which is obviously
true, "Yes, I did stay out until 2 AM."; even with all which are
possibly true; "Yes, If I didn't stay out late I might get more sleep." I
will agree with general truths, "Yes, Mom, it makes a lot of sense
to get enough sleep." |
| 9. |
I will agree with the criticism but I will not
hand over the control the critic wants to gain over me. "Yes, Mom..." may
be followed by staying out again, or even by the assertion, "I will
set my own hours." |
| 10. |
I will agree with what my critic probably feels
or thinks negatively and then reassert my own position. "I know you
probably feel that I am wrong, and think I am being selfish, but
I am not coming over this weekend." |
| SELF CRITICISM IS A WAY
TO ASSERT MYSELF |
| 1. |
When anyone criticises me I will agree!
I'll even extend the comment, If my boss says, "You goofed!" My best
response is "Darn, I was 100% wrong." "I certainly wasn't hitting
on all eight when I did that." I can assert that I had some positive
learning from my mistake, and I can hang in with my unchanged goal. "I
really learned a lot from that goof." |
| 2. |
I will ask for criticism, and prompt for details.
I'll ask for specific positive suggestions. I will revel in criticism
and tell myself the critic thinks he has my best interests at heart,
and I'll suck my critic right in to my web of needs and goals."What
is it about my not doing the yard work that makes it bad for the
family?" |
| 3. |
I won't ask general and big questions, or "Why?" questions.
I'll go for tiny details. I won't ask "Why do YOU think it is wrong." I'll
ask something like, "I don't really understand, what else is wrong
with my leaving the room slopped up?" or "Is it the way I look or
the way I dress?" |
| 4. |
I will always, today and every day, be persistent
in my reasonable demands. I have become a Broken Record until I reach
my reasonable goal or a good compromise. |
| 5. |
I will agree with objections, especially agreeing
that the critic may feel or think the way he says he does, and I
will reaffirm my desire, "Yes, I know you think I am being unreasonable,
I know the Ford Company doesn't back you up, and I want my engine
replaced without charge." |
| 6. |
I will talk and talk. Blah blah blah is the route
to achievement. If I'm in a hot disagreement I will learn from lawyers
and say all kinds of irrelevant things. I do not have to be logical,
I do not have to care, I do not have to understand, I do not have
to be right, I do not have to know the rule, I can change my mind
and I don't have to give a reason. |
| 7. |
I am responsible only for me and those for whom
I freely chose to be responsible. |
| 8. |
All of these statements are equally ludicrous
and false:
- He made me envious.
- He made me fat.
- He made me hungry.
- He made me
undisciplined.
- He made me do it.
- He made me lonely.
- He made me thin.
- He made me secure.
- He made me angry.
- He made me jealous.
- He irritated me.
- He made me content.
- He made me
secure.
- He made me happy.
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| 9. |
I will change my language so I am speaking honestly: - I envy him.
- I am angry.
- I am hungry.
- I am fat.
- I did it myself.
- I didn't follow the plan.
- I didn't seek
my goal.
- I am jealous.
- I am sad.
- I am lonely.
- I am bored.
- I irritate myself.
- I am dissatisfied, satisfied, content, skinny,
secure, happy, interested, relaxed, tense ......
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| 10. |
My feelings are my own. I made them myself, I
am responsible for the way I feel and no one else. I am responsible
for me, and for no one else. If I choose to be responsible for someone
it is my own free choice. No one made me do it. I choose to do whatever
I do. |
| 11. |
I will practice and practice; I will forgive myself
for failing; I will try again and again; I will be patient; I will
persevere. I will give myself many little rewards for achieving and
I will ignore my failures. I will be good to me. |
George von Hilsheimer, Ph.D., F.R.S.H. ASSERTION 5/87REV98
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